We had Oscar in August 2014, excitedly we got ready to meet our new arrival. He came in the night, after 26 exhausting hours.

My wife Livvie turned out to be a great mum and got in tune with Oscar very quickly. She knew what he wanted and what he needed when. I took a little longer, Mums have a great gift of hormones.

Maybe it was for this reason or the fact I was at work but Livvie took on everything; Cooking, cleaning, looking after Oscar and the weekday night feeds, as a kind supportive husband (or so I thought), I did the weekends.

Oscar was not a good sleeper, yeah, we expected this initially, knowing the biology of a babies stomach from antenatal classes. However, everyone tells you this will start to change after a few months and in no time, they'll be sleeping through. Not Oscar, quite often my wife could be found pacing the floorboards in the wee hours for 1,2,3 hours a night, maybe once, maybe twice, but every night.

I could see her becoming more and more exhausted and in blissful ignorance would convince myself that I was at work and needed my sleep. Nine months on we discover we are expecting a brother or sister for Oscar. Livvie is still doing the night feeds, nothing has improved much. Oscar is still awake for three hours each night and my beautiful wife is slowly getting more and more exhausted with every day. Still, I continue with work and doing the weekends.

The penny finally drops, as my pregnant wife is getting ready to take her first steps back into work after twelve months of being mum. I realise that work will be a rest for her and that I haven't made her day job (being mum) any easier by being blind to the fact that work is work and the most important thing is my wife, our unborn child and Oscar.

This seemed like a revelation at the time, though it should've been easy to see. Livvie returned to work and I made sure I was doing the nights before her three days in.

This made a small difference however, Livvie was still shattered and though not struggling, I could see that it was a grind.

One evening just before Thomas was born (bump at this time), Oscar was still waking up but sleeping in our bed. We discussed what was going on and came to the agreement to share the load 50:50. Two nights on and two nights off.

For the first two weeks of Thomas's life, this didn't happen, as Oscar was still waking up. Then it happened, Oscar started to sleep through without waking at all!

The problem was Livvie was still shattered from eighteen months parenting and the two on, two off night feeds just didn't cut it. So yet again we came to compromise, we do alternate nights. This has worked since, although we are still both shattered. As like his older brother, Thomas isn't a great sleeper (even at sixteen months) but one night sleep out of two isn’t bad.

I just want to demonstrate the importance of sharing the load. Maybe if I had done more earlier, Livvie wouldn't be so shattered now. Every child is different. As Dads we support our other halves, but is there any way we can do more?

Sleep or lack of can be horrendous, but having just you and baby time can also be magnificent. Try to look on the bright side when you compromise and make sure you are in tune with your other half.

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I'm Phill, me and my wife Livvie have 2 wonderful sons Oscar 3 and Thomas 18 Months. Being a Building Society Manager and a SENCO, the boys provide some wonderful and much-needed light relief.

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