"I think I might be pregnant".  The words I heard from my fiancee triggered a rush of thoughts and emotions the like of which I had never experienced.

It had only been 9 months since we first met and 4 since we became engaged, was I ready for such a huge step?  Even worse, that made the likely due date somewhere around the date we had booked for our wedding.  We would have to move the date.  Forward or back?  How would parents/families react?

We had booked the church that appeared in the TV comedy Bread, so how would the staff there respond to an unplanned pregnancy.

OK, so far I had filled a millisecond since receiving the news, and I still hadn't responded, perhaps I'd better say something.  "Are you sure", was my far from an original reply.  "Pretty certain, but we can do a test" So that's what we did and, sure enough, it was positive.

There followed a whirlwind of telling parents, re-booking the wedding with all that entailed, and trying to get our own heads round this momentous development.  We were both happy to be parents, we both love babies, but it was all a bit sooner than expected.  Just one small thing, we hadn't set up home together so that needed to be a priority, amongst seemingly endless priorities.

Fast forward 4 months and here we are married, and despite the rapid rearrangement things went smoothly.  We have found a house and moved in. Decorating is underway and, of course, priority is going to the nursery.  No, we don't know the sex so it looks as though yellow might be a safe colour scheme! What about clothes, equipment, furniture.............etc?  There is so much to organise and so little time to do it in. Like most new parents we cannot understand how such a tiny new addition can cause so much chaos and need so much "stuff".  And he/she isn't even here yet!

Lesley is on maternity leave and I have told my employers the anticipated dates so I can take holiday when I need to.  Everything seems to be coming together, but do you ever feel truly ready?  Well I know we didn't.

Fast forward a bit more and there is a new addition to the household.  I suppose we are in shock, still reeling after the whirlwind of the last few months, but nonetheless happy.

But we need some ground-rules to help us survive this upheaval in our lives.  I think we both agree that sleep is vital if we are to function properly, and retain some vestige of sanity.  I am not happy at the idea of having our new addition in the bedroom with us, after all, there are plenty of other rooms in the house.

Neither Lesley or I have ever experienced sole responsibility for such a tiny life and, I have to admit, we feel out of our depth.  What to do when she cries? How to cope if she won't feed properly?  What if we think something is wrong with her?  Above all, what if she doesn't sleep?

Surely Lesley should be able to use her maternal instincts and just intuitively know what to do!  It didn't take long to realise we were out of our depth and needed some help.  We were getting no sleep!  We had tried everything we could think of, followed every bit of advice we could remember, and still, the little mite cried and would not sleep.  Surely exhaustion would take over - it did for us but not for the little one.

After a week of this, it became clear to both of us that we needed professional help.  A phone call to our local Practice provided a solution we had not expected...

"Have you established a routine for bedtime" we were asked.

"We have struggled to establish a routine for anything", we replied, "we are just so tired"

"Do you think the little one is ill, is she feeding ok?"

"No, we don't think she is ill, she is feeding fine, it's just the sleeping at night bit she can't seem to master" was the only response my sleep deprived brain could conjure up.  "My wife really needs her sleep and she just isn't getting any".  I thought Lesley might get a more sympathetic response than if I whinged about how bad I felt!

"Well" came the learned response, "I think the best thing would be to establish a sleep pattern".

The routine worked beautifully and a normal sleeping pattern was soon established.  This was all many years ago now but I well remember the joy of proper sleep, combined with a certain nervousness at not having been disturbed by crying. And it did only require a week or so of routine to solve the problem completely.

Yes, there were a few feelings of guilt at resorting to such measures but needs must!  After all, Lesley was at this stage some 7 1/2 months pregnant and I hadn't even discussed a puppy before buying her one while she was at antenatal class.  The little bundle of black and white fur was probably a bit young to be away from her mother but in those days, you bought puppies in pet shops so couldn't be sure of age.

Bella, a cross border collie, became a wonderful companion for our son who was born a few short weeks late - when the sleepless nights started all over again, and that's another story!

Like what you've read, leave your comments below. You may also like to read The Sleep (Lack of Sleep) Paradox. From forums too short courses, if you're keen to learn the secrets of successful dads, register at thisdadcan.co.uk today.

Thirty-six years on I am now a Grandad to four as well as Father to two and Lesley is still my Wife.   Through my business, Thrive With Ian, I help people learn how to become the very best version of themselves. This is achieved by learning how your mind works and, more importantly, how to make it work better.  It's great to see people improve their lives.

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